The Parent-Child Agreement
by xenon3000
Summary: Sheldon and Amy wrote this up for when they have their first child. Any reviews would be greatly appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: "The Big Bang Theory" belongs to Warner Brothers.**

Authors of Agreement: Your father (Dr. Sheldon Cooper) and your mother (Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler)

Purpose of Agreement: To familiarize you with the rules you must abide by while living under our roof.

Section 1: Name calling

A. The male parent should be called only by the following terms: Dad, Daddy, or Father.

B. The female parent should be called only by the following terms: Mom, Mommy or Mother.

Section 2: Noise making

A. Noise is not to be made by you, the child, between the hours of 10 P.M. and 6 A.M., except in the following situations:

or illness

2\. A life-threatening situation exists such as a fire, tornado, hurricane, earthquake, flood, war, alien invasion, or zombie apocalypse.

B. The hours in which you are not permitted to make noise are subject to change. If such a change occurs, you will be notified a minimum of 90 minutes before the change takes effect.

Section 3: Food and beverages

A. Alcoholic beverages are not to be ingested, purchased, or handled by you under our roof or anywhere else in the known universe until your 21st birthday.

B. Food and beverages must be ingested by you in meals a minimum of three times per day.

C. A minimum of 64 fluid ounces of water must be ingested by you each day.

D. A minimum of five servings of fruits and vegetables must be ingested by you each day.

Section 4: Use Of Electronic Devices

A. You will not be permitted to watch, own, or operate a television set, to play, watch, own or operate a video game console (handheld or connected to a television set), or use, watch, own or operate a computer (desktop, laptop or tablet) until your sixth birthday.

B. When watching television, you will be restricted to the following programs: Jeopardy, Wheel Of Fortune, Nova, and Nature.

C. When using a computer, you will be restricted to the following programs: Microsoft Word, Microsoft Excel, Calculator, Paint, Microsoft Access, Adobe Photoshop, 3DS Max, Chessmaster: Grandmaster, and Cities: Skylines.

D. When saving data on the computer's hard drive, your files should not exceed 33.333% of the total hard drive space.

E. If you wish to watch other television programs not listed above or use other computer programs not listed above, please ask your mother and/or father beforehand. Please be advised that asking permission beforehand in no way, shape or form guarantees an affirmative response.

F. You will not be permitted to own, operate or possess a smartphone or cellphone until your eighteenth birthday.

G. You will not be permitted to own, operate or possess a still/video camera until your sixth birthday. Here are our rules for using a still/video camera:

1\. Do not take pictures or video of yourself or anyone else naked.

2\. Do not take pictures or video of anyone who is asleep or unconscious.

3\. Do not take pictures or video of anyone in a public or private restroom, locker room, bathtub or shower.

4\. Do not take pictures or video where prohibited by signage or authority figures, regardless of whether said authority figures are humans, robots, or a combination thereof.

H. When listening to music on the radio, do not play said music at a volume level that causes structural vibration. This rule applies to all other electronic devices.

Section 5: Practical Jokes

1\. Don't pull them on anyone, anywhere, at any time, for any reason.

Section 6: Cigarettes and Drugs

1\. Avoid situations and people where they may be offered by any and all means necessary.

2\. If offered cigarettes or drugs, Just Say No and leave the area in an extraordinary fashion.

 **Would you like to see more? If so, let me know.**


	2. Chapter 2

Section 7: Scientific Experiments

A. Performing scientific experiments is an excellent way to gain knowledge of science. However, there are guidelines that must be followed. Here they are...

B. Experiments must not take up so much physical space as to impede movement in the room.

C. Any experiments involving open flames must be approved by your father and/or mother beforehand, and must be performed under the supervision of the father and/or mother.

D. At least two layers of eye protection, including a face mask and goggles, must be worn when working with corrosive chemicals.

E. Genetic engineering must be limited to plants and microscopic organisms.

Section 8: Robotics

A. Robots constructed must be no more than 6 feet tall and weigh no more than 300 pounds.

B. Robots constructed must not be equipped with weapons such as firearms, explosives, blades longer than six inches in length, or flame-emitting devices.

C. Robots constructed must not have intellectual capabilities exceeding those of your father and/or mother.

D. Robots constructed must not be equipped with lasers capable of cutting through solid matter such as wood, plastic or steel.

Section 9: Academics

A: You are expected to maintain a letter grade of A (exceeding an overall percentage of 90% in most cases) in all subjects at all times.

B: You are expected to attend school on all days school is in session except in instances of illness and/or serious injury.

C. Any extracurricular activities on school property should be approved by your father and/or mother beforehand.

D. During the process of taking a test, if the teacher displays answers to the test in visual and/or verbal format, discontinue the test and notify the building's principal immediately.

E. Do not attempt to bribe any of your teachers using money or other physical objects or offers of services.

Section 10: Dating

A: You are not permitted to date members of the opposite sex until you reach the age of 18 or earn your high school diploma, whichever comes first.

B: You are not permitted to engage in coitus outside of marriage.

C: If you are planning to engage in marriage with a member of the opposite sex, please notify your father and mother at least 90 days in advance.


	3. Chapter 3

Section 11: Employment

1\. Providing goods and services for people outside the family in exchange for monetary compensation outside the home is not permissible until you reach the age of 13 or earn a high school diploma, whoever comes first.

2\. You are not to seek employment in criminal endeavours, including but not limited to, the illegal drug trade, smuggling weapons and/or other contraband, prostitution, street gangs, or the Mafia.

3\. You are not to seek employment in bars, casinos, or strip clubs.

4\. You are not to seek employment as a magician or as an assistant to a magician or team of magicians.

Section 12: Use of intellectual property

1\. Text, audio, video, and passive and/or interactive 3D models/environments protected by national and/or international copyright law can only be duplicated for personal uses only. Copyrighted material should not be duplicated for the purpose of sharing with other people, regardless of the methodology used to do so.

2\. Intellectual property written, spoken or otherwise created by Stephen Hawking is not to be mocked, ridiculed, demeaned or degraded under any circumstances.

Section 13: Written and spoken languages

1\. The English language should be your primary written and spoken language.

2\. Once you are capable of reading English at the speed of 250 words per minute and speaking English at the rate of 125 words per minute, you will be permitted to learn additional languages. Additional languages include but are not limited to Spanish, French, German, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, Swahili, Somalian, Navajo, and Klingon.

Section 14: When one of us dies

1\. Both your mother and father wish to be buried in registered public cemeteries in the Metropolitan Los Angeles area, right alongside each other.

2\. A single tombstone should be used to denote both of our graves. This tombstone should be no less than 36 inches tall, 24 inches wide at the base, and 12 inches deep.


End file.
